Recently leaked videos believed to be obtained by the Center for Medical Progress provide audio footage of an abortionist explaining how “desperate” she was to come up with a way to dispose of the aborted babies stockpiled at her facility after having difficulty finding any businesses that wanted to work with her.

“I mean, it was the worst. I dreamed about how to dispose of fetal tissue,” said Renee Chelian, owner of the Northland Family Planning chain in Michigan in the video, which was recorded at the 2014 National Abortion Federation conference. “I mean I was so desperate, the antis found a way to close us.”

Chelian was speaking as part of a panel of fetal disposition. She explained that in Michigan, some facilities were using the garbage disposal to do away with the remains of the aborted babies, and when she lost her contract with the nation’s leading medical waste company Stericycle—which services abortion facilities nationwide—she became frantic regarding how to dispose of the babies and keep their doors open.

While Chelian did not outline why she lost her contract with the company, she stated that when Stericycle parted ways with her, she had five months worth of dead babies stocked in freezers.

“Nobody wants to talk about dead bodies. And nobody with me, I have to say,” she said. “There was a point, when Stericycle fired us, that I had 5 months of fetal tissue in my freezers. We were renting freezers to put them in. This was all I thought about.”

Chelian admitted that she thought of having a secret bonfire in the woods.

“I was so consumed with fetal tissue that I was ready to drive to upper Michigan to have a bonfire. And it was just trying to figure out, you know, how I wouldn’t get stopped or how far into the woods would I have to go to have this fire that nobody would see me,” she explained.

The abortionist said that she went to various hospitals to see if she might be able to work with them, but most officials feared what might happen if the public found out.

“We met them in like, Denny’s restaurants. There’s not even very many of those left, they wanted to make sure nobody would see them with us,” Chelian explained.

She said she was told that the aborted and miscarried babies and other body parts from the hospital were either picked up by Stericycle or burned at the hospital’s incinerator.

“And they were terrified of a public relations nightmare, that hospitals actually had big freezers with … abortions or miscarriages, and that they all go in jars together at some point, and they go to Stericycle, unless the hospital happens to have their own incinerator, which is rarer and rarer,” Chelian outlined. “The guy from Stericycle was quick to point that out to me.”

She stated that she went to a crematorium, but was told that the abortion facility would be responsible for picking up the ashes.

“And I was like, ‘I don’t know. Do they have to?’ And they were like, ‘Well, we can’t just dump them, somebody has to be responsible for them,’” Chelian said, “which also made me really worried I was just gonna have to open some room somewhere where I just had bottles of ashes.”

She stated that she soon turned to the garbage disposal like other facilities, even though she had criticized others for doing so. Chelian also commented on her support for burning aborted babies for energy, but admitted that the idea would not go over well with the public.

“It’s also a potential PR nightmare,” she said. “This country doesn’t want to deal with death and dead bodies, and whether—or tissue. … [S]o we pretend like that doesn’t happen.”

“If we end up being the front page of the paper, ‘Fetuses are being used for energy,” Chelian outlined. “I mean, I think it’s a great idea…”

The footage is included among 11 videos currently being reviewed by the U.S. Congress as part of its investigation into Planned Parenthood’s harvesting and sale of aborted children. There are a variety of ways that abortion facilities dispose of aborted children, including using medical waste companies like Stericycle, which transports containers of “pathological waste” to its incineration plants nationwide.